Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Knock Down, Gut Wrenching, Squealling, Screaming Bloody Murder Tantrums

If when you awake and before you even open your eyes you wish the day goes smooth, you beg the day goes smooth, you slowly curse under your breath that a repeat to yesterday dosent happen again; then you may be living with a toddler, or what I like to call in my house the demon of the hour.
We have all been there when it gets so bad you find the only place you can hide. If you are like me you have your ear phones on and something playing in your ear other than that OMFG I have had enough of that screaming noise from hell that escapes your toddler.
You never know what will set it off. One minute you have a calm just playing along happy toddler , the next minute the hell fury rears its ugly head .
It gets there to that point of tears from yourself that you just can't take it anymore and you try so hard to ignore it but it continues on and on . You get to where you seriously can't take no more and you hear yourself screaming back "JUST SHUT UP" . Sometimes the the F word slips in there . We have all been there, if you want to lie and pretend you haven't that's your call, but I own it. I have screamed back. After 4 non stop ( and I mean non stop) hours of knock down , blood curdling screaming tyraid tantrums where you think omg if this kid doesn't stop screaming like that the cops are going to be at my door as it sounds like he is being murdered scream , you reach a breaking point.
 It always ends the same , I run to escape to the bathroom with my back to the door so he can't push his way in or open the door , with my earphones in and my phone radio blasting so loud just to escape for even 5 minutes.
Apart from the obvious safety reasons of child proofing your home , I think somewhere there was really a hint of "for when you need to escape" in the logic there somewhere. I can hide for 5 minutes knowing he is safe while I try to regroup and inhale the calm and exhale the crazy away. Most times he just pounds at the bathroom door screaming louder to get my attention . Honestly though when that happens I just turn the radio up louder and click OK with the warning of raising the volume for a safe ear level. That few minutes of distraction is all I need.
And then like nothing it becomes calm one again , in a split second. Your toddler is happy and the world is beautiful again, like within seconds. You take longer to adjust because you feel your life is in splinters . But you realize it happens . That is what toddlers do. You wish you could bounce back as quickly but you honestly feel so broken and defeated. A lesson we need to remember as adult, let it go , get over it , and move on  as quickly as it came .
I write this because we have all been , been through it and some how made it through it.
To the parents who have no escape and no one else with them to give them a true break, I not only Salute you, I am along side with you.
Working double duty with no escape is hard , tremendously hard. But , even on those days you wish you could escape or that there really were those goblins from Labyrinth that when you said the Magick words that they really would come and take your toddler away; it really truly is worth it in the end, it has to be right!
I have a truly beautiful, healthy boy and in the end its worth every moment. I am lucky enough to have these moments .

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